So what. I haven’t been around lately. I’ve been busy. Or have I?
A month and a half without posting busy? Ok. I’ve been lazy. Making excuses to not post, or create. Sure, I’ve written the odd song here and there. My wife bought me Notion for my iPad, which is a great program. It’s easy to use and pretty powerful for a portable. But, I haven’t really finished much. I feel like I’ve lost that working attitude of simply sitting down to work on music every day. I seem to be waiting for inspiration and that’s lame. I’ve got to get back in the groove. Work, work, work.
My wife also got me some business cards. Which makes it double important that I remember who I am-that I work hard every day and that inspiration, while great and magical, can’t be depended on. The GDC was last month. We made some good contacts and are still sifting through the opportunities that may or may not present themselves. I recently got a new game, (sorry I don’t have many details), which looks to be a good move for me. I’m branching out into new areas of developers. The future is good and I continue to trend up, but I’m dissatisfied lately. My wife say’s I’m cranky, albeit only in confirmation of my comment that “I’ve been cranky lately, haven’t I”? Now that I think about it, her yes was energetically emphatic…
Let’s a take a good honest look.
I have a bunch of excuses. And I have a bunch of “look at me, I’m doing so much”. I need to get back to the, “I need to do more,” attitude that I had last year. I’ve got a few games under my belt, I’m more experienced. But where am I in relation to where I want to be? I’m certainly not there. I don’t foster any ideas that success is the result of some prerequisite system-it’s not a checklist. But I still have a few fundamental needs that need to be met before I can say that I’m where I want to be.
I’m happy to be doing what I do. I need to do more of it though. Maybe I need to change my focus. Every line that I write in this post, I have to fight my brain which keeps saying things like, “Yeah but, you’re so busy with Comicon,” and, “When Isa goes to school.” But that’s bull shit. Success isn’t a list of things that I need to cross off. “Check.” Success is the habit of doing what needs to be done, consistently and without complaint. There is time. I just need to be a little uncomfortable if that’s what it takes.
Maybe the situation isn’t ideal. Maybe I don’t have 100% of the things that I think I need; I have more than enough though. I have more than a great many people who find success. I’m just making excuses. Excuses are the enemy of success. I have a habit of making them, and I’m very good. But I refuse to continue any more. I’ll have to replace that habit with another one. That habit has to be work. Hard work. And I’m going to sweat. It’s not going to be easy, and staying focused on a long term goal is tricky. But I’ll focus on the evidence of my hard work. Every day, no excuses.
Tomorrow I’ll post a song that I’m working on. And I’ll keep a daily log of the changes and work that I’ve done to it. When I finish, it’s time for a new one. Not having a “job” is an excuse, and I won’t make it.